Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish you could order shots online.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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