If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
