i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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