you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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