i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
