Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
