It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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