she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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