..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
