How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
