sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
