My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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