ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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