I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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