I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
