You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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