If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she peed on how many people?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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