Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
