i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
