jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's official drugs can't kill me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize