just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
