he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
