Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
