Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
nut hugger
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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