A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
