i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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