I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
