Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
