You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
