and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
