I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I touched a dick in church today
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