Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
