He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
