I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
