It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
