haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
