WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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