I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
