ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
