Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
