Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
