I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
