I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I will be naked everywhere
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
