I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
