i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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