DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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