Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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