He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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