Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
