i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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