Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
