Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize