If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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