I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
