sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
