he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
