I want to make a zoo with you.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
