i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
