Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
