You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
