There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
