dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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