Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
