ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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