as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
