Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
