Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
