Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
