So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We are two peas in an std pod
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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