Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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