Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
