you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
